I Need Motivation Theories

How do I motivate my teenager?

Q: Rick, my son is 15 and seems to have no

direction or goals except to NOT do anything. I

read motivational books and listen to audios -

but he won’t read it anything I give him.

A: Is there a parent alive who hasn’t been

frustrated with the apathy and and rebellious

nature of their teenager?

This subject has filled a great number of books

- and is bigger than the scope of this article,

but I can share some helpful ideas.

First of all, I still contend that it is

generally not possible to motivate another

person. What often appears as external

motivation is really intimidation, which parents

do have the right to use judiciously.

But you can help them to motivate themselves.

So how to do you provide crafty youth with these

opportunities - especially when they seem

instinctively resistant to doing exactly the

opposite of what we ask them?

When I dared to go shopping with my teenage

daughter, the mere suggestion that I thought an

item of clothing for her magically turned it

into a burlap sack - it was a sure fire way to

keep her from buying something.

I was much better off to walk the store with the

maximum amount of disinterest as possible, and

simply be there to produce the credit card at

the check out moment - then disappear again

until needed!

Teenagers ARE motivated by many things, watch

and pay attention to what is important to them

in this tumultuous time of transition and search

for identity.

With this in mind here are a few suggestions on

how to help your teenager motivate themselves

toward positive goals.

1. "Train Up A Child In The Way In Which He/She

Should Go - and in the End They Will Not Depart

From It."

This is one of the most mis-translated verses in

Hebrew scripture.

Most will tell you that it means to teach your

kids right from wrong (read: your world view)

and then even if they go berserk for a while,

they will mature and return to what you taught

them later in life.

While there is much value in this approach, that

is not what this one means.

In the original Hebrew it reads, “Follow the

tree in the direction the branch is bent.”

Meaning: Provide an education and freedom in the

direction of their unique gifts and skills and

they won’t waste time pursuing the wrong

direction in work and life - and they won’t have

to do a dramatic course correction in life after

you’ve paid for all that college - and do what

they tried to tell you they wanted to before you

forced them into being a lawyer, if you are a

lawyer.

Now I’ve stated that a bit strong, but you get

the point.

There are tests and evaluation tools that can

aid you in this.

Don’t ignore your own eyes, or the eyes of your

spouse, friends, coaches, and teachers for often

they can see that to which we are blind.

It’s your job to sort out the desire your

teenager has to play video games 24/7 and their

ability to solve problems or adventure.

And hey, this is an important principle for

motivation for all human beings. Parents are

just as motivated by pursuing our unique skills

and passions as teenagers.

2. Continue to dialogue even if you think they

aren’t listening.

Research shows that the single most important

influence as to whether a teenager or adolescent

chooses to get involved in using drugs is the

opinion of their parents.

While this is not always the case - Mom spouting

platitudes about how bad drugs are while she

swizzles a glass of whiskey in her hand isn’t

likely to have much power. Do as I say, not as I

do has long ago proven to be a worthless

parenting model.

If you get drunk or are a drunk (I could go on

here for days), then don’t be so surprised if

your kids act out in their own way.

So, stay “on message” with kids, but be

congruent and consistent and you’ll win the

silent respect of your kids. (They will not tell

you this until many years later - but know that

it it true.)

3. The amazing Motivational Car Ride

An audience member gave me this one. Now I use

this idea whenever someone is standing at my

autograph table after I’ve spoken asking me

which of my products, a book or cd, is best for

reaching a teenager.

It works like this.

Get a great motivational or personal development

audio CD or cassette you can play in your car

and plan an excuse for taking your teen on a

fairly long car ride. I highly recommend one

that is funny, fast paced, and preferable uses

stories instead of formal boring facts.

Pop in the tape - and don’t say a thing. Wait

until they ask a question or make a comment, and

immediately stop the recording and engage them.

When that is over - start the recording again.

Repeat as much as you can and be amazed at the

kind of conversations that can get started.

Teenagers constantly report that the number one

reason communication is so bad with their folks

(their perception) is that parent’s don’t listen

and don’t take the time. This solves both of

these problems.

4. Have A Little Patience

Up until the end of World War II, teenagers

weren’t even identified as a group with unique

challenges and needs.

You were just a kid until you were a young man

or woman.

Today teens are a social, financial, and

political market segment. They are pounded with

commercial advertising, temptations unheard of

even a few years ago.

Handicapped by self-absorbed ex-hippie parents

and whipped into a sexual frenzy by fashion and

videos, we can say with conviction that being a

teenager is harder today than ever before.

So, have some patience and cut your kids some

slack, what were you doing at a comparable age,

and what did your parents think about your

choices then?

Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like

you!

Published At: http://www.isnare.com